Tips for Supporting Your Friends who are TTC

If you haven't personally struggled with infertility, it can be difficult for your friend to relate right now, especially if you have kids of your own. However, you can definitely empathize. This means, instead of starting a sentence with "just" or "at least", acknowledge their pain. Let them know it's ok to feel the way they feel. Remind them that they have a community of people who are there for them, and rooting for them. While simply listening is extremely helpful, validating their feelings can go a long way. And while you may not personally understand exactly how they feel, you love them as a friend and are there every step of the way.

If your friend seems distant, it may be because it's hard for them to connect or because they are overwhelmed with the challenges and emotions that accompany infertility. It does not mean your friend loves you any less, it may just mean they need time to work through their feelings. Allow them the space and time they need to be with their feelings and work through family-building on their own. Your friend knows you are there, whenever they are ready.

Perhaps you always pictured becoming pregnant together with your friend and taking pictures together with your matching baby bumps. Perhaps you talked about your kids growing up together and being best friends. The loss of this reality is hard for your friend, but it is OK if you are grieving this reality as well. Allow yourself the grace and time you need to be sad and process your feelings.

In many cases infertility is experienced as a couple. They are also grappling with complicated feelings and need support. If it is a male partner, often they do not have as many outlets or sounding boards to work through their own grief as their female counterparts do. It’s important to recognize the full impact of grief and needed support of the people you care about who may be impacted.